Paris Hilton's Prison Diary

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Paris Hilton's Prison Diary — Jun 6th 2007

By James Marcus

Will Paris Hilton chronicle her visit to the slammer? According to this dispatch from the New York Post, Hilton's agent was "repeatedly approached by publishers" during the course of last weekend's Book Expo America. So far no deal has been struck, and even Touchstone Fireside, the publisher of the madcap heiress's bestselling memoir, sounded iffy. But perhaps we're selling Hilton short. She'll be peering into a pretty serious abyss--at least for the next 23 days--and here's a glimpse of what the iconic blond and habitually reckless driver might see there:

Lots of people here at the Century Regional Detention Facility got really freaked out when I complained about the steamed broccoli. It came on a little plastic dish and I thought it was, like, gross. The CO who served it to me had a real attitude. I wasn't going to get all bitchy on her, because like I always say, a true heiress is never mean to anyone--not unless that person stole your boyfriend or invaded your personal space in the exercise yard. So at first I just smiled a big, confident, sexy smile. Nothing tacky, just the kind of thing a fashion icon does to keep people guessing. That way they want to know more. That way they assume you have a Perfect Life, even if you're temporarily living in a 12-by-8 cell and the other inmates all have some kind of icky staph infection, so you keep washing your hands. Anyway, I didn't want the broccoli. So I didn't eat it. I sat there in my orange pants and orange top (pretty hot, all things considered) and tried not to get all serious. Being serious means you have no imagination, no sizzle, no sex appeal--it's like having the word B-O-R-I-N-G written on your forehead. In my case that wouldn't matter as much, because my hair usually falls across my forehead unless I gel it up pretty good. That's just the kind of hair I have. So half the word would probably get blocked. All you would see is R-I-N-G, or maybe just I-N-G. Anyway, I came to jail straight from the MTV Movie Awards. Will Ferrell and Borat (who's got some kind of totally gross beard now) won for Best Kiss--can you believe that? I told the reporters that I was trying to stay strong, which I am. I wore a very classy off-the-shoulder thing, black and frilly, which I knew would be inappropriate for Century Regional, so I changed into a simple, classy V-neck blouse. I touched up my eye make-up. A little lip gloss. Nothing too Barbie (not to dump on Barbie, she's my spirit guide!) Anyway, that's it for Day One. I miss Tinkerbell. But I'll walk the line, or however that song goes, with or without my blush-toned Manolos, and I'll survive. Because that's what an heiress does. Don't let anyone tell you different, girlfriend.

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15 Comments

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

l0v3s2Sh0p1035 — 10:30PM on Jun 6th 2007

1. paris hilton is so stupid no one besides stalkers care what it was like for her in jail millions of people hav been there someone needs to tell her to get over herself!

None — 4:58PM on Jun 7th 2007

2. This posting is stupid and predictable.

James Marcus — 5:03PM on Jun 7th 2007

3. I would disagree on both counts, but hey, it's a free country.

Chris — 10:04AM on Jun 8th 2007

4. Mr None must be referring to the object of the post, the VIP Girl, not to the post itself. Unfortunately he is not smart enough to tell the difference. Read it again, dear None - slowly - at the pace of your brain.

yesiamftl — 4:16PM on Jun 8th 2007

5. I think this just shows how out of touch Paris really is.....and as I say......WHO CARES?! about a pathetic, narcissistic, spoiled, out of touch, no talent, bimbo. As you can tell from her diary she can not even put together a complete thought.

James Marcus — 4:50PM on Jun 8th 2007

6. Say, yesiamftl, I'm sure Paris Hilton is just as narcissistic as you suggest, but the diary was a spoof. I'm sure the genuine item would put my own effort to shame.

the dood — 12:52AM on Jun 11th 2007

7. So, if you don't care, then why are you watching her every move with baited breath. Losers

Jessica — 10:26PM on Jun 13th 2007

8. Paris Hilton is way to into herself. Who gives a fuck about that bitch and how she looks when her anorexic ass gets to jail? Someone give that hoe a sandwich....

*Jess*

Addy — 5:45PM on Jun 14th 2007

9. If she does write a book, who cares? Why does everyone care so much about what this girl does. I can't stand it. Oh boo hoo, poor little do nothing with herself rich girl has to face the consequences of her actions. Welcome to the real world Paris!

Debbie — 4:57AM on Jun 27th 2007

10. Why don't you leave her alone. She made a mistake. Go ahead, those of you without sin cast the first stone.
Jealously is a sin also and I think you just wish you had her money.
You need to examine your own lives.

James Marcus — 6:08PM on Jun 26th 2007

11. Debbie, I'm guilty of many sins, but jealousy of Paris Hilton is not one of them.

bilgi — 12:29PM on Jul 1st 2007

12. it's very difficult to understand why people follows this girl. first of all , she's so ugly :D. i allways hear "Paris Hilton" with a scandal.

bruce — 9:41AM on Jul 11th 2007

13. i hope paris is herself again and can enjoy the rest of her life and stay out of trouble.

sarah — 6:40PM on Jul 27th 2007

14. grow up people. everyone makes mistakes! get over it. i guess if talking trash about her makes you feel better than whatever. but just leave her alone, it sounds like she learned her leason. more power to you paris. c[=

sunnu — 5:04AM on Aug 5th 2007

15. welll....i ges ud xpect such an atitude frm an heires...i mean cmon shes paris hilton..shes not used to the stuff...leve er alone
!!!!

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