La Dolce Musto! Interview with Michael Musto — Jan 17th 2007

By Dakota Smith

For more than 20 years, Michael Musto has mused on topics light (Paris Hilton, Brad Pitt) and dark (AIDS, gender politics) for his weekly Village Voice column "La Dolce Musto." Now the author has gathered his greatest hits in book form. La Dolce Musto: Writings by the World's Most Outrageous Columnist (Avon) chronicles the last two decades of celebrity culture with wit, aplomb, and pure naughtiness. Yet the collection is much more than a parade of bold-faced names. Musto is himself a formidable and flamboyant entertainer--possibly the only essayist able to evoke Sophie's Choice in a story about New York sex clubs, and certainly the only one bold enough to ask Cameron Diaz if she'd actually wear semen in her hair. Dakota Smith of Netscape News recently spoke with the columnist.


Can you talk a little about the evolution of your column over the years?

In the beginning, I thought the way to make a splash was by hating everyone, throwing mud in everyone's face. But I quickly found out that I was denied access to all the big names, because people were terrified of me.

Then came the first big wave of AIDS. For better or worse, that turned me into an activist, a screaming PC nightmare. In the process, I also became a bit restricted in my thinking. No one could say anything about the gay community without invoking my ire. Anything--Silence of the Lambs, Basic Instinct--would set me off, since I was on the warpath and the palette of representation was so small back then. Now I'm a little calmer. And as I've gotten more access over the years, the column has evolved. Celebrities are now more willing to talk to me.

One of your essays is about appearing on VH-1 and E!, and you mention that these networks don't pay any of the guests for their appearances. Is that still the case?

Nobody gets paid. They tell you that it's because you're talking about the news, but how the Olsen Twins are news is beyond me.




What's been the biggest change in the gossip world since you started writing for the Voice?

The blogs pushed everything forward. They scared the print media, and made the print columnists realize that they could be obsolete. It's a kind of Wild West situation, especially when it comes to outing celebrities. The blogs forced the print columnists to say, okay, we're going to have to go there, too. I was already doing that, so it made me feel validated for outing Rosie and Ellen.

Speaking of which, whose side do you take in the Rosie O'Donnell-Donald Trump spat?

Totally Rosie. He went below the belt, he made it into a mud fight, and he did it just to get attention for the new season of "The Apprentice." He started a fight with Martha Stewart last year, just before that season of "The Apprentice." These fights are always right before his show starts.

Have you ever had any offers to turn your column into an HBO series--or a movie? Who would play you?

That would be one hell of a mini-series! I'd love Sarah Jessica Parker to play me, but they'd more likely get Joe Pesci. It's a moot point, since nobody has approached me to adapt the columns. But maybe this book will be a springboard for La Dolce Musto--the series, the talk show, the cooking show, the video game!

How is gossip covered differently in New York than in Los Angeles? Here in LA, we have TMZ.com waiting outside the nightclubs.

In Los Angeles, they're more concerned with the gorgeous and superficial (which I adore, mind you). In New York, we're more interested in power brokers, people with access to privilege, from chefs to doormen to editors. But I like TMZ.com. They don't miss a trick!

Why does blogger Perez Hilton draw all over his pictures? Is it something to do with photo rights, or is he a budding artist?

I think he's trying to make the photos his own, and to add some ironic touch that can be interpreted in a variety of ways. Or maybe he didn't add anything and all those stars are really dribbling.

Magazines like the Star certainly have their place, but your columns often tie celebrity news to larger cultural issues. Is that deliberate?

I feel that all gossip is innately political. It exposes hypocrisy, even when it's not doing so deliberately, and shows how everybody has something in his or her closet--so we should all just relax and be ourselves.

And are there other columnists out there doing the same thing?

To me, Page Six is the most readable, Cindy Adams has real zest, and Ben Widdicombe [at the Daily News] knows the value of gay visibility and a point of view.

Have you watched that show "Dirt" yet?

I thought it was horrendous. It was just full of boring, ancient stereotypes about gossip columnists. It was like Sweet Smell of Success without the wit.

Personally, I'm amazed at how much disdain celebrity reporters have for celebrities. They're more than happy to go to these parties every night and cover the stories, but they don't seem to like their subjects.

Part of it is jealousy, and part of it is that we love to knock these people down to our own level. Also, it's the flashy and trashy celebrities that tend to go out every night. I mean, you're not running into Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep at these parties.

Still, I do get tired of reading everything negative. I do say positive things. In my book, I say, "Lindsay, I value you as an actor, just stay in for a night."

Given the changes underway in the gossip world, is the role of the favor-trading publicist ever going to disappear?

That's never going to go away. The gossip world is a morass of conflicts. But I deal with it this way: I'm always prepared to knife people in the back if they think they can get carte blanche with me after I write about them.

You wrote about club kid Michael Alig. Are you still in touch with him, and do you think he'll come back and reinvent himself?

I stopped answering his letters. As for him coming back, it's not that outlandish. New York is a place where as long as you're famous, it doesn't matter why you're famous.

You're notorious for going out every single night. When was the last time you took a night off?

Well, to give you an idea, I had a deadly brain seizure 25 years ago, but I was still walking around the city, giving offices my copy. Another time, I got hit by a car. I refused to get help and went out and covered an event.

What percentage of people correctly figure out your blind items?

People send me their guesses and some of them are shockingly off base, while others are spot on--sometimes for the most obscure, hard to guess ones. So there's no predicting. But there have been entire sites built up to answer the blind items written by me, Ted Casablanca, and Page Six, and some of them have been pretty on target about 70% of the time. When people send me their guesses, I usually say, "You got some right--but I can't tell you which ones." That drives them even crazier.

Has the Voice legal department ever killed items that turned out to be true?

They did kill one back when Tom Cruise was suing the porn guy. I was going to report that the porn guy was going around giving interviews. It turned out to be true, but we killed it in part because Tom Cruise is so litigious.

Please tell us the truth about Tom Cruise.

I really don't know. He's married to that woman Katie now.

Now for some dumb questions. If you had to be in a Saddam-Hussein-style spider hole with one celebrity, who would it be and why?

Tom Cruise. But I'd find out [the truth] in five minutes. And then be bored for eternity.

If you could throw a drink in one celebrity's face, who would it be and why?

Mel Gibson. To see if the hair plugs move.

Last question: Can you tell us what Britney was thinking when she flashed us her private parts last year?

What other part is she going to flash? Her brain? You only flash what you've got.

Tags: Michael Musto, Village Voice, gossip, Netscape Reports

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